Needing A Moment

At the moment of this post, I'm sitting in a local bookstore, upstairs, near the window with the view of NYC Seaport a few feet away from my home. I was lured here not by my own will but God's will.  

He whispered in my ear to come here. With a million and one things to do, I said no...a few times. I thought about all of the things that had taken place, is taken place, and will probably take place.  Past, present, future. 

I wanted to go home to not only think of these things but cater to the to-do list curated in my head. With so little time of the day, I had to make it worthwhile by taking advantage of a near empty home (most are at school or work). 

I have things to do and yet I hear that whisper. It wasn't loud. It wasn't harsh. Just a whisper and a tug for my obedience.  So I obliged, given into my Father's voice. I heard his thank you and instructions for my seating which is to be near the window. 

I exited the bus not feeling too well about it. I had things to do. My plan was set for the day. However, I obeyed what I heard. The rain is falling...sometimes heavy, sometimes light. At one point, I allowed it to fall on my face to mask my tears (wrll only one tear). I've been perplexed by the current events unfolding in my life. This morning, I clearly heard my own voice within let out a scream. 

I wanted it to escape my lips. I thought of the impact that scream would have made being that I was walking my daughter to school through a very mixed neighborhood. I know for sure I would've been arrested or taken to the nearest hospital while my daughter look on in horror. I didn't want that for her. 

So I held it until she was dropped off. I pulled my scarf up to see if it would mask my cry. But to my surprise,  I couldn't cry. I let out a deep sigh. I stood under the scaffolding of an area, thinking this will be a perfect spot to take a break from walking in the rain and scream. Nothing escaped. 

One tear rolled down my cheek. One. I felt like Demi Moore in Ghost. I now understand that one tear. Even Denzel Washington in Glory released one tear as he was being whipped. That one tear says a lot. For me, it meant I'm exhausted and want to be left alone. 

I took a deep breath and heard to go to McDonald's. Now I remember,  it started with McDonald's.  Again, reluctantly I went. I must admit, it was much needed as I ate my breakfast in peace. After, I wanted to go home with my list and thoughts. Nope. Next stop...the bookstore. 

Approaching the bookstore, I felt drained. Almost willing to lay down in the street, allowing the rain to beat my face. But I didn't because as I opened the door I was greeted by the smell of coffee, books, and wood. A smell I love on a rainy day.

A little spark of joy ignited within. I felt the urge to write...to connect...to release and I am doing so. 

Usually this spot, where I'm sitting, is always occupied.  Not today. I'm alone physically but God is spiritually here with me. 

I will enjoy this moment with Him.